How to Make Your First MFM Threesome a Blissful Experiment: Being the Boyfriend

I got the idea for writing this article in the midst of the first threesome that my girlfriend at the time and I had. I’ve captured the freshness of my feelings in calmer periods of the experience. The rough outline for this piece was created inside the experience.

Having a threesome is advanced territory. It’s like being your own stuntman. If done correctly such a sexual peak experience is super rewarding and can strengthen the trust and bond you and your partner are sharing. However, trespassing recklessly might jeopardize your relationship and cause damage that’s hard to repair.

In the following paragraphs I’ll outline:

1. How to prepare for your first threesome
2. How to create a wonderful experience for everyone involved
3. How to finish up in glory

The integrity of your relationship is your first priority.

No matter what you do, everything falls under this premise. The significance of a threesome pales in comparison to the value of your relationship. At the moment, having a threesome feels huge. You are excited, she is excited. Your excitement inflates the importance like a gummy bear soaking in water. Especially in monogamous relationships a threesome constitutes something like a paradigm shift. That’s why it’s easy to miss the mark. You become a sensationalist as you are about to create an erotic legacy. 

In a few weeks, your threesome is part of the past. And you? You live in the present. Together with your partner. The experience fades, your partnership lasts. Never forget that. 

Your goal should not be to squeeze your first threesome for every bit of pleasure.

Did you go “full throttle - no brakes” the first time you sat behind the steering wheel? No, you slowly felt your way until you were comfortable driving faster. It’s the same with threesomes. It doesn’t have to be your only threesome and it’s better to take it easy and see how you feel. Challenge your comfort zone step by step instead of biting off more than you can chew all at once. 

It’s your job to protect the relationship.

With that, I don’t mean that you should challenge the other guy for a pistol duel. I mean to manage your emotions, the jealousy you are likely to feel. As a man, it’s easy to be overwhelmed by jealousy when your partner has sex with someone else. In this case, we men typically have a stronger emotional response than women (Kennair, et al., 2011). That means that a big part of making this threesome happen is to ensure that you don’t overextend emotionally. If you cut too deep, you might end up with emotional scars. 

Let’s look at the required preconditions to ensure your and your partner’s emotional well-being.

Does your relationship meet the requirements for a positive threesome?

You have to establish open communication with your partner. In other words, both of you should feel comfortable sharing your feelings. This includes constructive criticism. You also should have a track record of taking feedback from each other well and incorporating it. 

Also, your relationship must be A-OK before even considering doing a threesome. You two are a team. No one should have any hard feelings and both of you should genuinely want the other happy. 

If you have any problems in your relationship, then you should work through them before inviting other people into your bedroom. A threesome done under the wrong set and setting is a catalyst for trouble. It’s like a baby. It won’t fix your love.

Is your relationship ready for ménage à trios? Then it’s time for the grant preparation. 

[A stellar threesome] is what happens when preparation meets opportunity

- Seneca (kind of)

How do you prepare for your first threesome?

Discuss your boundaries.

Discussing your boundaries within your relationship is the most important conversation you will have. A few questions that you should cover to ensure that you will both walk out of this stronger than ever:

1. Safer sex rules: Do you want to use condoms, dental dams, or do STD checks?
2. Is it okay for two people to have sex independently or just if everyone is involved? Do you all need to stay together in the same room (besides toilet breaks)?
3. Do you want the third to spend the night or should they go home?
4. How much body contact do you want to have with the third?
5. Do you want to ask each other for permission before you engage in a sexual act (e.g. your partner asking: “can I kiss him?”) or are you okay with going with the flow?
6. Which sexual acts are you excited to do and which ones are a hard no? 
7. Do you want to do any recording, taking pictures, etc.? I advise against any kind of recording, especially for your first threesome.
   

A boundary should be something controllable. For example, defining a boundary that your partner should only orgasm with you sets her up for accidents. Thus, you only want to create boundaries that you, your partner, or the third have full control over. For example, “we always use condoms for oral, vaginal, and anal sex” would be a boundary that works well. 

Find the right guy.

The person that you are selecting for your first threesome will have a tremendous impact on the experience. However, finding the right guy is not an easy task. Here are a few things that you should look for in a third:

• Self-awareness: Is he able to know about his needs and emotions?
• Empathy: Is he able to accommodate your and your partner's needs and emotions?
• Self-confidence: Otherwise there might be drama because of personal insecurities 
• Integrity: Is he going to act like he says?
• Patience: Is he able to slow down when he needs to, or will he recklessly continue?
• Pleasure-giving mindset: Does he want to make you feel good?
  

Asking one of your friends to participate is fine as long as you don't have to deal with him on a daily or weekly basis. Ideally, a friend lives in another city and can come visit occasionally. This makes it easier for you to create a distance if you feel jealous or if things didn't go so well. 

If you want to do it with a stranger than your best bet would be sex-positive dating apps such as Feeld or OkCupid.

Finding a good fit that both of you like and that checks all the boxes is difficult. It will take time. So don’t worry if a month or two go by and you haven’t found the right person. 

Clarify the logistics.

If possible, do the threesome at your place. You will feel more safe and comfortable. A hotel or Airbnb can also be exciting. I don’t recommend going to the third’s location because it will create a dynamic that can be intimidating. 

Meet in person.

You can meet the person together at a neutral place like a bar where you can talk somewhat in private and it’s not too loud. Ideally, make it clear that this get-together is meant as a get-to-know-each-other and for setting expectations. No sex. This detachment makes it easier to be relaxed and focus on communication. This way, you also weed out impatient thirds. 

See if there is sexual chemistry between everyone and if everyone feels comfortable with each other. Also, tell the third your boundaries and how the threesome ideally takes place. Absolutely make sure that the third understands and respects your boundaries. You also want to ensure that he is comfortable with them. Your boundaries are non-negotiable. If he doesn’t accept them, you go look for another third. Please, also make sure that you listen to the third’s boundaries and respect them. Everyone must agree to and respect everyone's boundaries. Period. 

[A threesome] is short and we should respect every moment of it

- Orhan Pamuk (that’s what he meant)

How do you make the best out of your first threesome?

Say hi.

Everyone's going to be nervous. It's okay and normal. When it rings, simply open your door and greet the third with a warm welcome. Let all your competitiveness at rest and consider him your partner in crime for a good time. 

Manage your jealousy.

You will feel jealous at some point during the first threesome. It's a naturally occurring emotion and you should not be too hard on yourself when you are feeling it. What's going to make or break the experience for you is how you deal with your gut wrenching. Remember your number one priority:  The integrity of your relationship.

That means if you feel overwhelmed with jealousy it is your duty to speak up and ask for a break. This is not you being weak or unmanly. This is you being responsible and caring. You might be too afraid to be the one spoiling the fun. Don’t worry about this. 

If you are feeling unwell, just say it. You’ve taken the time to select the right third and you have communicated upfront with your girlfriend about your boundaries. Everyone will understand. 

Under which scenarios do I feel a little jealous? 

1. When my partner shows more affection in the third than me
2. When my partner shows more interest in the third than me
3. After I orgasm, a surge of jealousy will hit (the less horny, the less interested in engaging sexually, the more jealous I will feel). This jealousy will subside once the refractory period is over and you are ready for more action. 
4. The longer the experience goes, the more jealous I will feel. With the increase in duration, there will be more pillow talk and more bonding. I might think about irrational things like whether my partner likes the new man more than me.

You might feel jealous under completely different circumstances and that’s okay. 

How do you mitigate jealousy?

• Remind yourself that it’s okay for your girlfriend to enjoy herself fully. Your partner has sex with you all the time. So it’s normal that she will be way more excited about the new member. It doesn’t matter if he is more attractive, bigger, smaller or whatever. He is new and humans like new. So going into this experience you need to accept that for the duration of the encounter, your partner is more into fucking with the other human. 
• Don’t take on too much at once. Keep the threesome short and crisp. I recommend keeping it under 2-3 hours for the first time after you start fucking. 
• Have a pre-set time when it ends. Let’s say you meet at 4 pm and your end time is 8 pm. If you start fucking at 7 pm, you want to do a check-in at 8 whether everyone is still feeling fine. If so, keep going. If not, it is okay to end the experience (it always is). Having an end time also helps. It’s like a safe spot and you know you are good afterward.
• Ask your partner beforehand to always reconnect with you physically during the threesome. Let’s say you are currently watching and your partner and the third are having sex, then it helps if she reaches her arm out to you to signal that you are still on her mind. 
• If it gets too much, say that you need a break or want to stop. 

Expect the bumps.

A plan is never perfect. Your plan is not perfect. Your plan can fail. Accept this, expect this. It's possible that someone gets jealous. it's possible that someone might cross a boundary unintentionally. It's possible that someone might realize they have a boundary they didn't know they had. Imagination and reality are two different worlds after all. If the situation requests you to slow down or even stop, be ready to act accordingly.

Communicate with each other.

Communication is your trump card. You can work through anything that happens if you openly share your emotions and feelings. Suffering in silence is not an act of bravery. It’s an act of recklessness. Communicate not only to avoid mishaps. Communicate to create a magical experience for everyone. If you want to enjoy a view that’s on your mind, ask the others to make it happen. More likely than not, they are happy to fuel your naughty desires. 

Stay sober (or don’t get smashed).

Getting tipsy a little bit can help with the nerves.  If you opt for it, don't overdo it. Else, communication can be difficult, and respecting each other's boundaries becomes a dance on the razor’s edge.

Calibrate your engagement.

We have talked a lot about your emotions. Now it's time to consider the feelings of the third. We, men, are competitive by nature. Depending on the level of experience that your third has he might be intimidated by you. Your immense muscles, your enormous penis, or your relentless thrusting all could trigger feelings of inadequacy. To avoid these emotions on his part, you can try to match his level of engagement. Doing this requires a high level of self-awareness and self-control on your part. So only bother with this if you are an advanced lover. 

Enjoy the ride.

During a threesome, your bedroom becomes an adult playground. Everyone is horny. It’s a special occasion. That said, try to turn off your head and seize the moment. Take in the hot views and thrilling sensations. Thrive on the ecstasy of your play partners. This is you living life at the peak.

After [a threesome] comes calm

- Matthew Henry (almost)

What do you do after the action is over?

Say goodbye.

Now it’s time for the farewell. Bring the third to the door and send him on his way. Don’t make any promises for another time just yet. You first want to listen to what your partner has to say. If things have gotten a bit too bumpy, saying goodbye can be an awkward relief. Regardless, play civil and be kind. 

Cuddle in “twogetherness”.

Have at least 2 hours of quality time as a couple after your threesome is over. Lots of cuddling and affirmation. Be open about your feelings. Talk about your jealousy and when it occurred. You want to unpack every negative emotion straight away. Don’t forget to talk about how hot everything was and what your highlights were. Providing mutual feedback will make the next threesome even better 😉

Threesomes are a double-edged sword. 

On the one hand, it’s freaking hot. You see your girl with another guy and if you are into that, you will get incredibly horny. Experiencing so many strong sensations outside of your comfort zone together with your partner can evolve your relationship. On the other hand, you might experience feelings of jealousy lingering in your stomach, and if you act carelessly cause more harm than good. 

You got this! Just take things easy and communicate openly with everyone involved. Happy playing!

References

Kennair, L. E. O., Nordeide, J., Andreassen, S., Strønen, J., & Pallesen, S. (2011). Sex differences in jealousy: A study from Norway. Nordic Psychology.