How to Form an Orgasmic Alliance with Your Girlfriend's Vibrator

Let’s go 9 years back in time. I am in a relationship with another university student. One day as I make our bed I find something unexpected. A blue vibrator. Immediately jealousy gushes through my system. I am now pondering in fear. Was I not good enough?  How would I ever compete against this mighty machine that is made to please? 

Back then I was having a difficult time satisfying my girlfriend sexually and that made me very insecure. It’s no wonder. All I could see that day was competition in the light of opportunity.

I never saw her vibrator again. 

Great lovers are not afraid of vibrators

Vibrators intimidate many of us. Vibrators have intimidated me. Why so?

A vibrator is a symbol of female empowerment. A woman having full ownership over her pleasure has been unthinkable for most of human existence. An independent woman doesn't rely for her pleasure on a man. A loss of control can be frightening, especially when you rely on control to feel secure. 

A modern vibrator is a piece of engineering that was continuously optimized for female pleasure. How are we supposed to compete with a device that operates at pretty much the same rpm as a Porsche 997 GT2 (Prause, 2012; Siler, 2007)? We just can't. Scary revelation. And we don't have to. Soothing declaration.  

A vibrator is a tool

Just like a screwdriver, an iPad, or WhatsApp. We invented all these things because they do certain jobs better than humans do. However, a tool always comes with limitations. I mean, the last two years doubtlessly demonstrated that video calls don't even come close to substituting meeting a friend in person. We all felt so lonely because the tools didn't do a good enough job at creating belonging and connection. Do you know what else sucks at creating belonging and connection? A vibrator when used alone. 

We, humans, are complex beings. Our orgasms don't equal sexual fulfillment. We are dependent on emotional connections for complete satisfaction. That means neither are you competing with vibrators nor are they competing with you. You are friends, close allies supporting each other on the same mission - to create a fulfilling sex life for you and your partner. When you want to drive a nail into the wall, you use a hammer. When you want to drive your partner crazy, you use a vibrator. 

How a vibrator augments the sex you are having

Cause more pleasure

Penises are not that great at bringing anyone to climax but their owners (Herbenick et al., 2018). You know what? They are simply not designed for the task. Vibrators, on the other hand, have been specifically engineered to bring females pleasure. The clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings that get barely stimulated during penetrative sex. Science (Gauvin, Yessick & Pukall, 2020) found that women who frequently use a vibrator with their partner are more sexually satisfied. 

So swing the vibrating rubber saber to cause your partner even more shivers 😏

Shed your performance mindset

As a great lover, you probably consider it of utmost importance that your partner feels amazing. It's so easy to get lost in all the sex key performance indicators. Did she come? How often? How long did it take? We tend to worry so much about this that we forget to cherish the blissful time. Adding a vibrator frees you to some extent from these concerns and allows you to enjoy the moment as it is happening. It also helps you relax because there’s no need to perform or be perfect. Just let go of any expectations and allow yourself to experience pure sensation. 

Do you get a cramp while rubbing her clit? No problem, your toy is real bro and got your back 💪

Have more sex (and especially quickies)

You may know that women tend to take longer than men to reach the highest of spheres. In addition, women have fewer orgasms in heterosexual relationships (Frederick et al., 2017). That means that women experience lower rewards for engaging in sex than men. Researchers (Gauvin, Yessick & Pukall, 2020) found that women in partnerships with more vibrator play have a better cost-reward balance for sex. Now the hot bit for you: Using a vibrator makes the sex even better for your girlfriend or wife and thus she will be more excited for some hanky-panky. 

Beware, sex might get more spontaneous. She suddenly fancies a quickie much more 🤤

Break your routine

The human brain loves patterns and repetition. Our erotic autopilot is hard to break. Escaping the low-effort way of making love sometimes seems impossible. With silent steps sneaks the lack of novelty sneaks behind our intimacy and stabs it in the back. Mercilessly. I have a remedy for you:  Experimentation. Every time you introduce a new toy, things will be different and exciting. Toys exponentiate your possibilities of play, especially in a long-term relationship. 

Repetition is the deadly assassin of our sex lives. Manufactured novelty keeps reigniting the spark 🔥

‍Tip: Using a toy can be quite convenient. Sometimes too convenient. Try not to rely on vibrators all the time. Remember to share intimacy without any mechanical intervention.

How do you communicate to your girlfriend about your newfound desire to toysplore?

Ask nicely! Put the cards on the table and tell her that you'd like to give toy play a shot. Many women consider masturbation something extremely intimate. Society comes with loads of stigma around female pleasure. So your partner might feel vulnerable around the topic of self-pleasure. 

Please try to establish non-judgmental and open communication. Ensure that she is cool with everything you suggest. Respect her boundaries and don't push her into something that she is not 100% comfortable with. Consent is everything. You can encourage her that you find the thought of her pleasuring herself erotic as fuck. She is going to run wild once you plant naughty thoughts about what exactly you want to do with her and the vibrator in her head. 

Still unsure? I got you. You got to promise that you will recite it word for word though: 

"Hey [enter her nickname or name], 

I've just read this absolutely incredible article on that super-duper cool julian being blog. Now I want to try using a vibrator while we have sex. I can't stop thinking about all the hot things I'd like to do with you and a vibe. Would you be up for turning some of my fantasies into reality?" 

How to use a vibrator with your partner? 

Without intercourse

This is not just about pussy. A woman is so much more. Be generous and serve the whole of her magnificent body. Here is some inspiration regarding the erogenous zones of your partner. Tease her and make her drip in anticipation. For the grand finale put the vibe on her clitoris. Start with a lower setting and less pleasure. See how she reacts. She is moaning and tilting her hips towards you? Maybe it’s time to rev up. Not sure? Just ask her what she’d like you to do. I know, right? It can be that easy. 

Another variant would be her holding the toy and playing with herself while you are moaning or whispering. Kiss her, lick her, nipple her, hug her. You know the deal.

Pro tip: Try holding or hugging her very tight as she cums.

During intercourse

Simultaneous clitoral and vaginal stimulation will drive her crazy. The easiest sex positions are either in doggy or missionary. She holds the vibrator and you pound her. This way she won’t be the only one benefitting from the electric servant. If she is up for some exercise, riding while pushing the vibe against her vulva promises some well-earned ecstasy. 

Do you want to be more dominating? Hold the vibrator while fucking her. It’s more difficult to coordinate but you will be in full control of her pleasure. Super hot and well worth the extra effort.

Be creative. This is just the beginning. Let your imagination run wild and do whatever feels good. 

Pro tip: Don't let her do all the toy cleaning. Be the one who carries the damn thing to the sink from time to time. Give it a good soap and you are good to go. This will show your partner that you fully accept her even when you are not horny. She will love you for not thinking her juices are gross. 

On you

That's right my friend. Your whole body is full of nerve endings that are just waiting to be activated by unrecognized vibrations. Ask your partner to spoil you too. Psst, I have heard rumors that your frenulum (the point on the underside between the head of your penis and the shaft of your penis) is extra sensitive. Mutual pleasure awaiting. 

Which vibrators are the best for partnered play?

Generally, vibrators that are on the powerful side of things and have a wider area of effect are more suitable. Unlike your fingers, you don't have any sensors in the vibrator. So if you use it on your partner it's much easier to hit the right spot with a big and strong toy. Oftentimes you will have to get used to the controls of a new toy. Every toy has a learning curve. Before fully indulging in orgasmic pleasure, women also need to familiarize themselves with each new tool. You want to try a specific toy at least three times before you decide that it's not working for you. 

Let's have a look at the different types of vibrators that are particularly relevant for couple sex: 

Wand vibrators

Probably my favorite vibrator. A "magic wand" is versatile as a swiss army knife. Because of its intense vibrations, you can even use it for non-sexual massages. In fact, some companies still sell this as a "massage stick". These days it's so obvious that I bet even the pope would recognize this object's main application area. In BDSM the wand is the go-to tool for forced orgasm play. Yep, the clitoral stimulation feels that amazing. 

The mini version of this toy is a great starting point if your household is still toyless. Affordable, durable, consistent, and easy to use. 

Couples vibrators

This one allows for a variety of different sex positions as it gets inserted into the vagina. The beauty of this is that once it's vibrating in place you can forget about it and it enhances your experience without requiring any additional attention. Typically couples vibrators come with different vibration patterns or modes. 

In all honesty, I personally don't like these. The bit that you put inside the vagina always feels uncomfortable to me. Still, you are different so it's definitely worth it to give the expert for mutual pleasure a try. 

Clit suction vibrators

A clit suction vibrator is the pinnacle of clitoral stimulation. This clitoral stimulator is pretty pointy, so getting it in position will be difficult for you. Your partner, however, will hit the right spot in no time and be rewarded with an intense orgasm. This one is especially great if she is in for some quick relief. 

Other toys 

Just going to list a bunch of interesting toy names that you can look up if you are curious: 

• Rabbit Vibrators
• G-Spot Vibrators 
• Cock Ring Vibrators
• Vulva Vibrators
• Vibrating Butt Plugs
• Vibrating eggs

Maintenance tip: No matter which toy you use, adding some water-based lube is always a good option. Oil-based lubricants can damage silicone toys. 

The toy doesn't matter as much as how you use it. 

At the end of the night, it doesn't matter all that much which toy you chose. As long as you chose one.  Every different toy will bring a new twist into your sex life and trying out what works for you is half the fun anyway. 

Picked one? Consider yourself a pioneer.

References

Frederick, D. A., St. John, H. K., Garcia, J. R., & Lloyd, E. A. (2017). Differences in orgasm frequency between gay, lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual men and women in a U.S. national sample. Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Gauvin, S. E. M., Yessick, L., & Pukall, C. F. (2020). Picking up good vibrations: Discrepant vibrator use, sexual functioning, and sexual well-being in women with male partners. Psychology & Sexuality, 11(3), 254-265.

Herbenick, D., Fu,T.-C., Arter, J., Sanders, S. A. & Dodge, B. (2018) Women's Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 44:2, 201-212, 

Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Sanders, S., Dodge, B., Ghassemi, A., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2009). Prevalence and characteristics of vibrator use by women in the United States: Results from a nationally representative study. The journal of sexual medicine, 6(7), 1857-1866.

Prause, N., Roberts, V., Legarretta, M., & Cox, L. M. R. (2012). Clinical and research concerns with vibratory stimulation: A review and pilot study of common stimulation devices. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 27(1), 17-34.

Siler, S., 2007. 2008 Porsche 911 GT2 First Drive. [online] Car and Driver. Available at: URL [Accessed 30 September 2021].